Dealing With Grief, Losing A Horse, Saying Goodbye By: Barbara Paulsen            I have a collection of tails and manes. I remember the dates as well as the names…

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to own a horse. My father was an avid horseman and so you might say my affinity for horses is hereditary. He introduced me to the wonders of horsemanship at a very young age. The more time I spent with horses, the more I fell in love. I had dreams of the countryside, where I would be surrounded by rolling green hills filled with horses trotting and frolicking all day. As I aged my dreams matured into plans and I was blessed to purchase my first horse in 2004. Still, not once did the thought of losing a horse enter my mind. 

My first equine loss was on my granddaughter’s birthday in 2019.  Impossible to forget this date.  I could not talk to anyone about my Sly Boy for months without being rendered to tears.  Remembering. Feeling the impact of him hitting the ground took me to my knees. Shook me to my core.  It has been six years, and I still get a tightness in my chest.  He was my love. My first… 

Three years later, Miss Sapphire.  Two years after Miss Sapphire., my Cherokee.  My gentleman.  My safe ride.  I was HIS person.  His only person.  I loved him so…  This year, this summer, my Miss Minnie.  Suffice it to say, I know a little something about grief.  Three of these losses required euthanasia by our vet. Each experience was painful and unique in its own way but I share these stories so you know that I too have experienced the loss of horses.

Losing my first, my Sly Boy, I had no idea what to expect.  This uncertainty can be extremely difficult to grapple with, particularly when there has been no prior evidence of a problem. This was the case with Sly, Cherokee and Minnie. So, arriving at the barn to find them in distress was more than a little alarming.  There were medical problems with Sly and Minnie.  My Minnie was blind in her left eye, had Cushing’s disease, was arthritic, and had just presented with an abscess.  But none of that mattered, she was my Minnie, and we were managing her care. 

Both Minnie and Cherokee were diagnosed with colic - a broad term for abdominal pain - which can be caused by various digestive issues like gas buildup, blockages from impacted foods, or gas-filled twists of the intestine. Signs of colic can range from mild lethargy and loss of appetite to severe signs like rolling - sometimes violently - and constant pawing.  Colic is a common equine emergency that can be life threatening and requires immediate veterinarian assessment. 

One of the best things we can do as horse owners, is to know and understand each step in the process of losing an equine companion - especially when it comes to euthanasia - and have protocols in place to address each step.  The long timers know what to expect while the newbies need to learn and prepare themselves. First and foremost, it’s critical to know your limits and set boundaries. Know what you can and cannot endure. For me, that was witnessing how my horse would be moved from where s/he passed to the burial site.  Often moving a horse to his/her ultimate resting place happens via sizable skid steer, with chains. THIS was a boundary for me, something I did not want to witness.  I could not bear to carry that memory with me for years. No. So, without further ado, this is for the newbies…

I am extremely fortunate and blessed to have (in my opinion) the best Vet on this planet!  Dr. Stephanie Miesen is a compassionate soul who understands how we are feeling at the time, takes our feelings into consideration, treats our companions with a gentle loving touch and explains every step of the process. The method that Dr. Stephanie uses most often is an intrathecal lidocaine injection, which means she puts lidocaine (which numbs nerves) in the fluid that surrounds the brain. The first step is an injection to provide sedation. If your horse is standing, this first shot will not cause your horse to fall, but he will become sleepy and quiet.

After your horse is quiet, Dr. Stephanie gives a second shot, which provides general anesthesia. This second shot will cause your horse to lay down. Next, Dr. Stephanie asks us to step away to give her and our horse some space.

Dr. Stephanie guides your horse as much as she can during this time, but at the end of the day the horse outweighs her, and she cannot fully control how s/he lays down.  It is possible s/he will circle or even fall backwards. This can be the hardest part to watch during the process, so some owners opt not to watch as they lay down.  Once they are laying down you can rejoin your horse for the final step.  At this stage s/he will be unconscious under the general anesthesia and does not feel anything that is happening, but Dr. Stephanie still encourages you to pet and talk to your horse. The third and final injection involves placing a needle into the cerebral spinal fluid (the fluid that surrounds the brain and spinal cord), removing a small amount of the fluid, and then injecting lidocaine. This will slowly shut down the brain while your horse is sleeping. One of the first things to stop is the breathing, and the heart stops approximately 10 minutes later (average is 8 minutes, but sometimes closer to 15 minutes).  Since every minute feels like an hour during the final moments Dr. Stephanie will often start a timer on her phone or watch to make sure that everything is happening in expected time frames. At this point it is normal for your horse to experience mild skin twitching, his/her eyes rolling upwards before returning to the normal position, and after several minutes your horse’s body might slowly stiffen then relax again. Most commonly, Dr. Stephanie will see a slight, rhythmic motion of the body.  Horses have large hearts, and as their body relaxes it can have a slight motion correlating to the heart beating. Once the heart has stopped as verified by auscultation with a stethoscope and lack of a blink reflex, we know that your horse has completely passed. 

Dr. Stephanie advises that other forms of euthanasia may have the same first two steps but are followed by injections into the blood of pentobarbital, magnesium sulfate, or potassium chloride. It is important to note that, per Dr. Stephanie, there are other forms of euthanasia available that may be appropriate in various circumstances. There is a time and place for all forms of euthanasia, and all the above-mentioned methods are considered humane.

Considerations beyond the vet’s responsibilities - will you bury on your property?  If so, have you identified the space? How will the space be prepared and by whom? What are your options as a boarder? 
We are fortunate to have been able to bury all except Sapphire on our property.  But what are your options for boarders?  Some boarding locations have a limited ability to bury your horses.  For example, Snapdragon Farms (Angele Mlsna) has buried a little over ten horses on their property. But space can become a limiting factor.  They will not, and should not, bury on top of another horse. Further, if the horse has been euthanized using Pentobarbital, they and other boarding locations may opt against burying the horse. 

Rendering a horse? Rendering a horse is a disposal method for deceased horses.  Its body is processed at a rendering facility to convert inedible materials like fat, bone, and tissue into useful byproducts such as fertilizer, pet food ingredients, or biofuel. Regulations forbid rendering for products like pet food, when a horse has been euthanized with certain drugs like pentobarbital.  For horse rendering locations contact the USDA Animal and Plant Health Inspection Service (APHIS – https://www.aphis.usda .gov/livestock-poultry-disease/epidemiology/listed-slaughter-rendering-establishments).
Alternatives to rendering include composting, incineration, and donation to a veterinary hospital for research.  Another option may be asking a friend or family member with acreage to allow you to bury on their property. It’s worth the ask. It’s important to know your options, and ultimately you must be completely comfortable with your decision. 

One thing to remember is, it never gets easy. There are constant reminders of the loss.  I’ve endured difficult times at the barn walking past the empty stalls, their halters and masks still attached to the windows of their stalls. 
In closing, What I will say? We must always, always put the needs of the horse first.
My friend Katharine Lark Chrisley, from Dharma Horse Rescue and Sanctuary, would say “Compassion versus Compulsion!  The needs and well-being of the horse (mule) are always the priority!”  If it is a given that your horse will be euthanized, the key is knowing in advance what to expect.  Stay with your friend until his/her last breath, until their heart is no longer beating. If you’re like me, you will be glad that you did.

Now, you must face the emotional side of losing a great friend.
Feel ALL the feels.  Allow yourself to mourn the loss for as long as it takes. 
How you say goodbye can help ease the pain. I recommend holding a farewell ceremony.  This doesn’t have to be an elaborate affair, considering that time is of the essence.  We were told by our vet that they had never witnessed a ceremony like the one we held for my Sly. There was music and memories befitting a king! The music served to be somewhat uplifting. I sang to them and recalled happy moments.  There were also treats for the journey and some to share with friends that passed before.  But I never bury with a halter or a lead rope. Signifying their freedom and true liberty! 
A reminder, saying goodbye can include your horses’ barn mates, pasture pals, and companion buddies. They do recognize and understand the loss.

Ann shared a personal story about their recent loss.  After 20 years, Bob Pruitt, the CEO of InfoHorse lost his beloved horse Dream, who he rescued from slaughter at 3 months old.   Dream’s barn mate Sugar, had been with Dream for 14 years. Together in their stalls, together on the trails.  Ann shared that when the two were separated, Sugar would scream for him.  Vocally calling to him.  Every single time.  Until he passed. A lowering of her head. Then the quiet. No more screaming. Acceptance.  

We have always known that our horses are sensitive, perceptive, and highly intelligent creatures.  Ann’s story is another reminder – and further validation - that horses are truly conscious of a mate’s departure.  As we mourn and process grief of loss, we must keep in mind that our horses need to do the same. Allow them the opportunity to bid their barn mates a fond farewell and happy trails.
Continue to speak to them even though they are not with you physically. I whisper their names into the wind.  To the north, to the east, to the south, to the west.  
C.M. Brown, Jr., Editor
References: 
Dr. Stephanie Miesen, Country View Equine Clinic, Oregon, Wisconsin
Angele Mlsna, Snapdragon Farms, Mt. Horeb, Wisconsin
Katharine Lark Chrisley, Dharma Horse Rescue & Sanctuary, Las Cruces, New Mexico
APHIS/USDA

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